ASS MEN

THE NUMBERS WILL BE ON THEIR SIDE EVENTUALLY.

Advice

My mother told me as a young man that I should never quit a job until I had another one lined up. Good advice. Until i started applying it to women.

beer, blowjob, bacon

no particular order

The Life

I smoke cigarettes, take pills, and fuck girls I meet on facebook.

Mrs Right

Takes you to her house and has a bouquet of 4 inch plastics flowers on her dining room table.

Sight For Sore Thighs

When ever she gave me head her esophagus expanded at least 2 inches,it was like watching a garden snake swallow a sewer rat,and she had such pretty eyes.

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Impotence

I cant help but wonder all the free time impotence would bring but fucking is such a great way to waste time.

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Misunderstanding ant

I just winked at an ant in the kitchen, walked out and smoked a cigarette, came back in and killed it. I don't think we were on the same page.

Porn Memories

I remember the first time i saw porn. We found it a dumpster at webb park. We then took it to an empty storage container also at webb park and drank 3 bud lights. And then I had to do my paper route. That was a good day.

Free

Next time you dig into your pocket and you realize you have no money ...realize having a good time is free...

Prefessional Ovary Blessing Services

"marty thank you for making me better in case no one knows marty blessed my overies tonight and im actually feeling better xoxoxo" -facebook comment

I always think it strange when I get poked on facebook by girls I've fucked before.

My First Fat Chick (aka the night I slept in the bath tub)

Once upon a time... back during the dial up days... there was this thing called AOL Chat... well for those of you that don't know AOL Chat was basically facebook without pictures...aka fucking insanity.. you would talk to random fucking people... and let me stress random...people based off a screenname...thats it.. no other parameters...this is before cell phones...you would get to talking to people..talk on the phone then eventually meet ..i did this a few times (i would meet somewhere public and if someone was ugly i would just walk right by them... i know terrible.. but fuck ugly peoples feelings...if the chick was hot i would try my best to fuck her..dont judge me i was like 16..).anyway one day i was like fuck it im at this house where everybody party's 24/7 whats the fucking worst that could happen.. i'll just get drunk and be mean to her if shes ugly... no big deal.. so i make plans to meet this girl at the house during a party..well someone else was throwing a party that night as well.. so our party moved to their party after this girl was on the way over... well she was from far away and this was before cell phones and i couldnt call her ... so i was the only one who had to stay back and wait for this girl... now mind you i was drinking the giant bottle of carlo rossi.. and about a half hour goes by im the only one there and the doorbell rings... i go answer the door and as i open iti am staring at a woman that is no taller than 5'5 and weighs close to 250lbs.. now i know fat chicks an look cute and have cute faces... this was not the case.. this woman dressed like Bill Cosby and had a bowl cut...i know delicious... well she just drove like an hour and a half to meet me so i invite her in and im like "ok just have a drink .. make up an excuse and just leave.. well as im fucking pounding the fuck out of this carlo rossi just to bury my shame and disappointment i start to think like a 16 year old kid.. after a quarter of the bottle im thinking.."ok maybe i'll let her give me some head"... after about half im like " she can def give me some head"... after 3/4 im actually letting her give me head... and after just about the whole thing i find myself in a side bedroom but ass naked with rosanne fucking her from behind.....

... OK... so... has anyone been drunk as fuck in the middle of horrible sex.. and then sober right the fuck up out of pure disgust... well i have.. because at that exact moment im looking at her .. i fucking lost it.. was like .what the fuck am i fucking doing.. you sir are fucking disgusting .. we need to flee.. immediately...so thinking like the sly fox i am i say that i need to go to the bathroom .. get dressed in like 2 seconds and walk out and closing the door behind me .. i realize i cant just leave because i live here.. fuck.. what am i going to do .. eventually the party is going to come back and they are going to see me with state puff slut and then im never going to hear the end of it.. so i did the smartest thing any man could ever do .. i went in the bathroom and shut the lights off .. locked the door and went to sleep in the bath tub.. and i swore to myself that no matter how hard motherfuckers knocked on that door i was in no way going to make a sound... and they knocked.. and so didnt she.. and i just sat there ... silent... the next morning i wake up and sneak out.. check the house .. cant find her anywhere... and i stumble across my man who is know for fucking the grossest pigs on the planet.. and he says to me... there was this fat disgusting bitch here last night looking for you .. i had to kick her out "... i said i know...i was so disgusted with my self  panicked  thats why i slept in the bathtub.... and that is the night i fucked a fat chick and slept in the bath tub...

My Dick Can Cook

PUSSY FEST: NOT THE GOOD KIND

My Tampon Experiment

So I was day dreaming about panties and I remembered that one time I had tripped over a used tampon in the lovely town of Weymouth and how much it sucked,so I decided to recreate the experience for someone else,make my own and leave it in a public place,Burger King bathroom.So it took all day to get the right shade of blood,dark cherry kool aid,grape jello,and a half cup of water was all it took...oh and a tampon,so left it in the BK bathroom and before I was out of earshot,I heard a scream,it was a success

Bored And Good In Bed

I trick women into sleeping with me when I'm horny.

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I've been hearing an inordinate amount of references to cranberry juice and it's positive effects on periods

Dog sex

Dog sex...perverts

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Cult leaders are all just sexual deviants with a plan.

toilet paper

i honestly think toilet paper is the grossest shit on the planet... its straight fucking ugly... imagine getting shit all up in your armpit ( how the shit got into your armpit is a story for another day... just go with it) and someone handed you a roll of toilet paper to clean it out you would punch their first born in the genitals because how the fuck are you going to clean shit out  of a hairy crevice with dry paper thinner than lindsey lohan after a week in vegas... seriously if your not using baby wipes then your missing out because that is the only full proof way to clean the shit out of your ass.... see how i used that pun there... i should be  a writer or something... im getting off topic ...elastics smell funny

True Love

So I got head one time and she puked on my dick,then apologized and asked if she could please finish,I said yes,and in the morning she bought me breakfast and a new pair of pants.....should've married her

Biggest douch at the party

He had no idea

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More chicks high 5ing

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Hot chicks ensorse white guy high 5

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The guy who fixes shit..while all you spoiled faggots party...he endorses white guy high 5..

Fuck the help...but.not literally

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Lime green...

Your welcome

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Cunt

Cunt

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Pool party

I just walked into a pool party full of"dudes" ...lots of cargo shorts.....plaid designs and bad tattoos....i just got here and the "dudes" are already talking about ofighting....I'm good around just about everyone ..."dudes" suck...and seeing that my girl is looking good as shit...so I can see a problem developing..i mean I'm not psychic....but if the dude sitting next to me with dirty sneakers and the 10 times 2 short t shirt is already bitching about how some fag stole his carona and lime while he was playing beer pong...really can we go up from here ...dude....you totally ganked my lime...fuck

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I'm Not Concerned

My dick is tanned but I'm pale,I would be concerned about some odd "tan dick" disease but it looks really good,and when I dont shave my balls its like theres a little italian living in my underwear,so I'm not concerned.

Why I Live In Quincy

Warning....

Who Said Hip Hop Is Dead?

shits limited edition son

you got it all wrong

im not going to just sleep with you once and never call you again... im going to sleep with you as many times as i possibly can in this one night... and then never call you again

really?

text me 6 times..walk over to see me.. beg me to "hang out" ...this dick ain"t free bitch..get on or get off.. preferably both.

I Really Love Coffee

I was in the mood for Dunkin Donuts but I lacked the funds and was sick of running into this problem,so as skinny, slutty, and charming as I could be, I proceeded to ask the over weight, middle aged,divorced,and hairy mold manager of said establishment out to an irish dive so I could get her shit faced and bribe her with my cock to get free coffee...it worked,and she was so impressed she asked me to take her daughter to the prom that weekend and paid for a motel room instructing me to fuck her daughter...so I got free coffee for 4 years,got to fuck a fat mother then her hot skinny daughter, all at the expense of my awesome cock and love for dunkies.

me pissing on a guys head while he sleeps

i thought it was funny... his gigantic black friend didnt... i tried to get his pic for the blog... he declined...notice the kids playing... C-L-A-S-S

little kids are horrible at playing cigarettes

Rape On The Rag

Fucking a bitch on the rag with a heavy flow looks like a rape scene (use your imagination) when its over,there's blood,sweat,Cum,crying,and I ironically get slapped.

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NOBODY REALLY WANTS TO KNOW WHAT THEY DID AFTER THEY BLACKED OUT

Being Single

Now that I'm single I'm back to getting tested for std's weakly,hoping I pulled out in time cus condoms suck,and spending lots of money on morning after pills and home pregnancy tests,now that I think about it that's all I did when I had a girlfriend.....huh

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Retards

Its ok to mildly starve them

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Mr. Disessa endorses white guy high 5

The man the legend..and he swears alot

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GUCCI

HAHAHAHAHA YOU PUSSY....

My Lady's Bug I found a lady bug in,actually inside a girls pussy,I didn't know whether to be disgusted or say how fucking cute I thought it was.

FUCKING HILARIOUS

BITCHES

LOVE BUSINESS CARDS

I'm A Quincy Kid

Hanging out at the methadon clinic cutting in line to hit on xanax sluts so they can fall asleep on my cock

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I Made Her Itchy

If you eat a girl out with a sinus infection,she WILL get a yeast infection,its such a great super power.

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My Lady's Bug

I found a lady bug in,actually inside a girls pussy,I didn't know whether to be disgusted or say how fucking cute I thought it was.

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This Might Get Messy

First time I was given the opportunity for anal she happened to be on top,she was fat ok,but it was what she said that kept me apprehensive,she said,"This might get messy" I now hate anal.

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Cuddles And Cum Stains

I fucked a maid at Cuddles And Bubbles and she neglected the duties of said occupation by leaving cum crusty sheets for the next lovely couple,shitty fucking slut maid

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me and the blackest bruin fan completely agree..

i found the blackest person that attended the bruins stanley cup parade... and when i saw him filming drunk white people i said... "white people are fucking crazy" .. and he agreed...he said "thats why im filming them"... so i asked him .. i said sir.. you are by far the blackest bruins fan out here would you please take a picture with me for my blog" .. and he said "your fucking crazy... and yes"..

Rainy Days

I am shaving my balls,eating a snack pack with a fork (no clean spoons),and watching lesbian porn with high production quality while maintaining a magnificent erection,it is a wonderful moment in the day.

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Chord poon

High maintenance

Is not worth the pussy

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Cunts are no fun

I was going to write a big long post about all the different ways that cunts suck.....but its pretty self explanitory

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Useless

I hate your stupid ugly "should've been aborted" children just as much as the next useless missed miscarriage,seriously,fuck your kid.

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Yard sales

Thats where I buy all my underwear

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Panty dropper

211

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guy on leash at bruins parade

he was proud of it and called it a marital aide... i was amused and called it creepy.... but yes he is wearing a leash

Wet Dream

I woke up with cum in my pants because I was to lazy to jerk off and fell asleep with an erection.

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Cup Of Cunt

I would love cunt flavored coffee,even the unshaven poorly maintained roastbeef lookin cunt,it would be great.

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Birthday ballons

Shaped like dicks

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Mental Challenge

I walked in on my friend fucking a mentally challenged young lady (retarded bitch) and I yelled "you're a fucking retard" now I feel like an asshole because she's retarded and he's horny.

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Wet farts

Are no fun....except in the pool

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Fat chicks

Don't like to hold up their own legs

Hot girls in porsches

It's not your car

Dublin and Tripoli

I'm sure they are lovely places but they are also code for running trains on skanks.

Gay dudes

They scare the shit out of tight assed religious folks

Mayonnaise

people who eat mayonnaise probably also put their own semen in protein shakes.

Never Seen It Cumming

I never had the desire to fuck a blind chic until just now.

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Fat Is Fun

Fat chics are fun to fuck,but being seen with them makes me look unfuckable,so I only go out with pretty chics because it makes me look and feel better about my fat chic fetish.

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Bitch

Your mother is a stupid bitch and your father is a big bitch so by a genetic default you're a stupid little bitch,but through the character flaw of individuallity you're also a dumb douchebag who should die.

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Left Eye

I fucked a girl who begged me to punch her in the eye during sex then I came in the other eye because its rude to cum in an injured eye,so by the time she left she couldn't walk right or see straight.....and I found out that punchin sluts is fun.

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Curtains

Anytime I'm about to slay someone...i like to say....its curtains

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Lazy

People in wheelchairs need to get the fuck over it

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Fuckkkk a shirt doooode

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Old women

I would finger bang an old woman with aids just to be in the guiness book of world records

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Black people

Jump high because they dont take care of their kids

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Baby rape

Why are you reading this.... Your gross

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Cunt

Cunt

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Suez canal

I dont really trust anyone from asia

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Logan airport

I really dont have anything to say about logan airport

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Your mother has had at least 10 cocks in her mouth

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I would shit in a cup and have 2 respectable woman eat it....but I wouldnt judge them

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You should never put a list of the people you will one day murder in your Facebook status.

I prefer woman that suck dick over women that dont suck dick

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Love

You know you're in love when you shave your balls and start wiping your ass properly without anyone asking.

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Martin newells voicemail sucks

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Sluts make horrible rape victims.

Science

Some men have a form of ADD which causes them to forget about women they have recently slept with. It's not that they don't like you or didn't have fun they just become forgetful when they get sober. They will remember the next time they have a few beers.

Was that your mom last night at petes?

eminem is a nigger

Savy

Pictures of penises

Proven to be more trouble than they are worth.

NASTY CUNT

 Her pussy had been stepped on by every dude she fucked. There was hardly any good vagina left, just dick residue and venereal disease.

Not a rapist

Sometimes when I'm sad I coo like a dove

Trying to smooth talk bitches in internet scrabble chat rooms.

Boner forever

Plooooosey benchesssss