Even Trade

Just got a handjob for a cigarette on a dance floor,it was nice.

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coming to terms

The reason I will never be gay is ...fish smells better than shit

Cum Boogers.... By Kevin Farmer (user submission)

Here is an incident that happened 2 me years ago when i was new 2 the sex thing..i'm going 2 share w/ the class i believe..a long,long time ago,in a bedroom not that much unlike most teenage girls bedrooms of girlfriends and hookers past,,4 the sake of not embarrassing anybody,i'm going 2 replace this girls name w/ the word hooker so no1 gets offended or pissy,,sooo,,waaaayyy back when i was all brand new 2 the love making shenanigans,

so far this is the extent of  my "sex life"

i was having relations w/ this hooker i knew..it was awkward and kinda gross and sweaty but still super awesome at the same time...it was only my third actual 'gettin it in' as they say,so as awesome as i knew i would become at this sport of sex,,at that moment i was uncomfortable just a little w/ the whole situation...remember back in high school when condoms didn't exist?..this was back in those days...

You know... way back when we used these...

so i'm 'tappin that ass' all unprotected and stuff i fully believed in this 'pull out method' id heard of on so many occasions..so as i'm about 2 finish i do just that...that pull out thing...and say something like,'mummble,mummble,cumm​ ing,ungh...',,and she starts 2 lower her mug in2 my lap as i'm about 2 cum...i didn't know what the fuck she was doing and in my 'state',w/ my 'situation' about 2 drench this hookers face,,looking back i know i shuda just put it in her mouth..it was a rookie mistake really..

ironically her face looked very similar

so as i'm about 2 finish she's diving face first in2 my lap,,me being the good man that i am,was trying 2 keep her face from getting saturated in my seamen..so I'm pulling my hips away from this hookers face as i release the beast all over her face doing in fact exactly what i was trying 2 avoid the entire time..as it hits her in the face she closes her mouth and inhales thru her nostrils..in a fuckin second,all the shit that was on her face,vanishes in2 her nose...I'm in shock of what i just witnessed when she turns around and throws up on the floor...

Similar to this.. but replace coke with cum and tits with face

that choking gurgling sound as she literally choked on my shit was one of the funniest sounds i've ever had the pleasure of having,,she dry heaved in2 the toilet 4 about an hour as i got dressed and left...one of my favorite hooker experience of all time...thank u class for following along if u have,,and white guy high 5

High 5's

The Most Interesting Man In Boston Just so Happens To be The Most Interesting Man In North Weymouth's Uncle

This Man Is Not Gay..... Maybe

Not All Tits Are Created Equal

looks like Craig Ferguson has been working out

As a fat man I believe I can safely speak for all fat men when I say... Yes, we do like to get our titties sucked.

 

Japan is Fucked

 

Some Left Over Shit From The Bruins Parade

with enough alcohol and enough lube , bruce thought anything was possible

imagine what the sheets looked like when these guys were done

they called it a "marital aide"... I called it "mouth full of vomit"

me posing with the official hockey puck of the Boston Bruins

I dont give a shit what you say ...I refuse to believe this is Spiderman

totally gay shirt on a guy that was totally way to big to call gay

is that marty newell behind that mask?...no .. no its not

that yellow skirt was extremely see through.. we stayed at this spot for awhile

The Time I Pissed On a Hot Chick (Not In A Hot Way)

One day about 5 years ago during a crazy snowstorm I got stuck out at Johnson and Whales College in Rhode Island during a weekend bender, it was actually pretty crazy , in the middle of the night at like 4 in the morning I grabbed some head phones, rolled a blunt , put some Bob Marley Pandora on and sat in the middle of the blizzard and smoked... honestly it was peaceful as shit.. it snowed like 14 inches that night..

this picture has nothing to do with my story i typed blizzard into google and got this and its fucking funny

 so the next day after shoveling out on the way back to Mass i got a text from this chick. Now this chick is a 10.. straight up... I had met her a long time ago , then she found me on Facebook , we did the whole hey you look familiar thing didnt i hook up with you like 5 years ago , blah blah blah blah blah, ... so anyway on the way back she texts me saying lets hang out and get drunk and I can just stay at her house tonight , ...ummm ok.. sold.. high 5 .. now mind you I had never hit it.. i just ran into her at a concert and we just hooked up... so this is like fucking news to my motherfucking ears... She works doing hair down the street from a friend of mines house so i say I'm going to stop over there and get ready to just grab me there, I get to my mans house and he's just getting back from getting his sister a gift, a gift certificate to the hair salon up the street , and he's telling me about this chick that was so hot he had to fucking control himself, I put 2 and 2 together and pull up her Facebook and  ask if this is the girl?...

this wasn't her Facebook picture.. but i told you she was hot

I was her.. so after getting cussed out for being good at being a man and taking a shower, she picks me up . we go out to a bar , no dinner just straight  up fucking drinking....shots , beers, shots, more shots, beer, shots, .. did i mention shots, because we did alot of  fucking shots that night, and obviously the more you drink the more comfortable you are so it eventually gets to the point where we have to get the fuck out of there, so we well.. we get the fuck out of there..get back to her house , now we are fucking wasted, i dont even really remember what happened in that house that night , i honestly can not fucking remember, but i know for a fact some thing crazy happened because when I woke up at like 6 in the morning the palce was a fucking mess, shit knocked over, clothes everywhere, we are both butt ass naked , but the one thing that really was sticking out to me at the time was i was freezing fucking cold and we were laying in a freezing fucking cold puddle.

like this... but with urine

she was still sound asleep.. and i wasnt about to take this one for the team, I had to think fast motherfucker, and just like that i came up with a plan equal parts genius-equal parts flawless. I woke her up by shaking her and saying something along the lines of ..." EWWW WHAT THE FUCK?... you just fucking PISSED all over me, your so FUCKING gross, I can not believe YOU PISSED THE FUCKING BED... WHAT THE FUCK"...dude she totally fell for it, she jumped up , naked, almost in tears , soooo fucking embarrassed, ... i almost felt bad... but like i said, I was not taking that one for the team, .. besides I was trying to hit it again, she wouldn't have slept with me again if I pissed on her.. I dont think that was even her thing.. it never came up...so yes I blamed her... and yes I got away with it ...And yes she felt so bad that she bought me breakfast , that I gladly accepted ... so overall it was a good day, i was naked so my clothes didnt get wet, it wasnt my bed, I pissed on a hot ass chick, and I got bacon.... THE END

Go Easy On The Pepsi Fuller

You ain't shit.....

If your not driving a two tone ford taurus with a wu-tang emblem on the hood.

I Asked For Some Titties

and all i got was this ass with a bowl of cereal on it

Hot Dogs

Cross "seeing Bill Cosby wave a magic hotdog" off your bucket list...

Men think about sex every seven seconds.

Which is why I eat hot dogs in under six seconds...

so it doesn't get weird.

Hot Dogs.... Now In Fish Flavor

27 club lets everyone in these days

I actually like Amy Winehouse... but that's not what this blog is about... so if your going to make fun of her ... make it funny...

Amy Winehouse must be the first Jew in history who's actually shared something......Syringes.

Amy Winehouse is still alive, forensics went to draw a line around her body and she sprung up and tried to snort it. 


Amy Winehouse's Death:
Moral of the story is just because you look like a horse, doesn't mean you get to steal their tranquilisers.



What was Amy Winehouses biggest hit .....Her last one


What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?...Jack Daniels comes alive when you add coke...


Just imagine how devastated Amy Winehouse's drug dealer is right now.


I like when celebrities die. When I joke around about it everyone thinks its funny. Every other time all I hear is "security get this sick bastard out of the newborn intensive care unit"


Say what you like about smack heads but, they still have the dignity to pay their respects to a lost sister, they have all been wearing armbands all day.


If you find ale in an ale house and whores in a whore house where can you find drugs...Amy Winehouse

I'm sick of people making jokes about Amy Winehouse - She's a heroin my eyes


to be fair, this is probably the longest amy winehouse has gone without drugs in a long time.


At least Amy died doing what she loved best.................... Drugs.


Amy Winehouse's manager has just annouced he is to release Amy Winehouse: Greatest Hits.

It's just a box filled with used syringes.

Why did Amy Winehouse stop doing drugs? ....Because she's dead.

oh snap you got jokes.........

I texted my boss, "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"
He answered, "I don't know."

I replied, "I'm not coming in this morning."

cats have lots of free time to unearth things

quincy addiction

this is an activity i used to do on a dayly basis,,now not so frequently due to not being local but pay attention and follow thru and u will be entertained forever..most of u are probobly aware of where the quincy center train station is..if u get off anya the trains there u will notice an escalator as u advance forward,,at tha bottom of the escalator is an emergancy stop button,,as u walk to the stairs, kick this button..i've seen everything from people groping each other,to flat out falls and screams..try this once and u'll be addicted,,,now that u know..use this information and respect always..white guy high five bitchez..enjoy ur shenenagens peoples.. (kevin farmer)

Nice tits

I say it to myself often

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work ethic

coke dealers, crack dealers, heroin dealers, these people will bring you dope at 4am on a wed during a snowstorm... they are around within minutes of a text.. best work ethic ever.... if you want some headies on the other hand... fuck people that sell weed are the absolute worst business men

I enjoy a plastic trash can because it doubles as good place to puke

Right at this very moment

... I am taking a huge shit....

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Quincy Point Bathroom Stall

Who Knew

So it turns out I really enjoy a finger in my ass and I kinda squeal when its in too deep.

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just cause he wants to fuck your friends

doesn't mean he doesn't want to fuck you too.

whats the best way to stop kids from playing in your yard

molest one of them

I'm cool with homos

As long as they dont suck dick around me

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I Know A Good Lawyer...

Ok... So let me set the scene...I had a shit ton of pimples in high school like a fucking proactive commercial...I mean I had a girlfriend..but i was by no means cool...fast forward like 9 years... pimples are gone and I've somehow started dating the hottest chick i graduated with(long funny story for another day)... well im no dummy i take her to the cape for the night...great night wake up next to this beautiful unobtainable woman to my man Jim* (all names have been changed) ...so Jim* calls me..and says i just got tickets for game 7 against the bulls...(now at this point i have been to every home playoff game ..sat court side twice..sometimes for free...back when i had game... anyway it was that crazy bulls series where they went to overtime every game... sometimes double or triple overtime..) .. anyway he got tickets... he had to go through some restaurant kitchen and talk to a Brazilian...pay 180$ for $23 tickets ..but fuck it but we were in...so i get up to  fucking this beautiful woman i used to jerk off about when i was like 14... to this news .. i know best day ever... but wait it gets sooooo much better...

word

... so i bonce from the cape.. chick drops me off.. my man Jim* picks me up and we go out and get some weed and liquor and beer ... and we're pulling into the parking garage .. he says to me .. and i swear his exact words were.."if you need it i have a card for  a good lawyer "... and i said back to him..."is this how this nights going to go"...wellll... anyway we go into the game.. drunk as shit.. and meanwhile the whole ride in Jim* is fighting with his girl/ex/chick he fucks the whole time...turns out shes like 2 sections over and with like 9 friends... so anyway to set the scene he wanted to go out with me because to be honest i can pull chicks ... and hes trying to break up with his girl and he wants me to wingman him in some ass....but his timing was bad because im fucking the hottest chick i went to school with.. so i wasn't really into it... so then he decides that now he wants to hang out with his ex and her 9 friends...we walk out the game ( Celts won in double OT...great series) and go to the bar across the street from the greatest bar (its not) ,, you know the one with the brick front.. i forget the name..anyway we're getting in line.. and she is at the front with her 9 friends..(none hot)...so we stand with them in line....and they start bitching about how were cutting them.. meanwhile were "with them"...fucking great... did i mention they all hate *Jim... well they did ...so anyway now we war with like 10 angry fat girls that all hate us... at first im trying to be nice ..make convo..i was actually being really nice trying to keep the hounds at bay while he was trying to score some ass.. when all of the sudden one of the fattest bitches in the group looks me in the eye and says  "im mad because i cant have her" .. and "im not her type"... if you know me .. you know that at this point in time i lose my shit and flip out... so i did... i started tearing into the whole group " You fucking fat twats .. look at your fucking gunt,douche bag big foreheaded cunt ect..ect.... just calling them out on everything imaginable .. pure filth.. so now im arguing with a herd of wildebeests that all happen to have vaginas... and the bouncers kicked me out because even though they were fat its better to have a group of pigs at the bar instead of me being a drunk asshole.....

high 5

... so we went over to the greatest bar(once again...its not)... and we are over there now fucking with people and i call my friend *Gina to come through with some chicks for him... she does and we are getting drunk and now it's last call...turns out they got a after hours spot  just over the Zakim Bridge...we decide to follow them... now as we are getting on the Zakim i am drinking a bottle of SoCo .. he has a beer... and im standing up in the passenger seat pissing in an Arizona ice tea can i look up and we are in a sobriety check point...great...they pull *Jim out make him do a shit load of sobriety tests (i still think he passed) ... and make him take a breathalyzer (def didn't pass that)... so as they are cuffing him the cop tells me to get out... i ask where im about to go on the middle of a bridge at 230 in the morning in the middle of Boston when i live in Abington... he informs me that i can either start walking or go to jail..well that's an easy choice.. i chose walking... i walk about 20 feet  when another cop yells at me for walking on the bridge and pulls a cab over and makes me get in it...now ive already called my friends and they are waiting at a gas station right on the other side when i tell the cabbie to just drop me at the end of the bridge he tries to charge me 30 bucks.. we obviously argue about this and i demand he lets me out... (about half way across the bridge)...so now im walking again across the Zakim... I can not stress to you how long the Zakim bridge is when your walking... that shit is long... like a half hour walk long... so im walking and walking and walking then i get to the off ramp...fuck .. because you walk for 10 min and your literally 20 feet below where you just were... now ive been walking for about 45 min when my friends call and say the gas station has called the cops on them and they have to go ...at this point i figure... im not that far and im pretty close to the ground.. i thought about 15 feet or so...so i decide to jump... yup.. i jumped .. i specifically remember thinking after falling for a second or 2 that this was wayyyyyy farther than i thought it was ...

"FUCK!!!"

I hit the ground so hard my shoes flew off ...seriously i was on my back not wearing shoes....so as i gather myself and survey the damage.. i realize im staring at a 10 foot chain link fence with barb wire on the top of it... and to my back is the actual bridge... another easy choice only one way to go... i picked fence... so im climbing the fence and im drunk .. and tired... and i just jumped off a bridge.. and im having some trouble with the barb wire after a few attempts i manage to make it over to the other side of the fence but not before i ripped a hole in my shirt ,destroyed my pants and tore the sleeve of the Celtics jacket im wearing... ohh and im bleeding pretty good at this point too...so as i jump off the fence.. i swear to god the fucking fence swung open... turns out the whole time i was on the gate...turns out im a retard..., now i dont know if you ever noticed that there are like 6 railroad tracks under the Zakim...so when i jump the fence i am now standing where those tracks are...seriously next time your on the bridge just look down... you'll see them...well what you didn't know was that those tracks are 3rd rails...ALL of them..now i dont know about you but every time i was on the subway when i was younger i was always curious if i could jump a third rail... well now i know the answer to that question... i was jumping them one at a time.. like 5-6 of them and getting my composure in between hoping to fuck a train didnt come and calmly jumping the next one...remember its like 3:45 at this point and im no longer shitfaced... im just beat up and drunk...so i get to the other side of the tracks.. at this point i  am seriously fucking proud of myself.. Now im looking at like an abandoned train platform .. its like 15 feet incline... i climb up it and when i get to the top there are like 5 homeless people drinking around a garbage can on fire... they are surprised as fuck to see me .. im surprised as fuck to see them..

These guys look legit...

I immediately think "I'm about to get robbed"..so thinking quick realizing that I'm a crazy person covered in blood.. I start screaming like a crazy person covered in blood .. at the top of my  lungs I just started screaming  about the Celtics and the win and im just screaming Woooooo!... they were in so much shock all they said was ... "yeah ..go Celtics"..i honestly believe those drunk homeless men living under a bridge wanted absolutly nothing to do with me.....I make it by them..and get to another chain link fence jump that ... and now at this point I've found someone to get me.. they are going to meet me by the Schafer Chocolate Factory ... if youve ever been on the tobin its the clock tower looking building right after you get out of downtown boston...right after Bunker Hill CC ... well to get over there i have to cross the highway in front of BHCC ..4 lanes...2 fences....at this point i feel like im in a  fucking video game  and im about to fight bowser or some shit...and its about 430 in the morning..(ive been walking for awhile now)..  i cross the highway frogger style shes there ...i get in the car relieved im finally going to get home.. ahh i can finally relax... you know figure out what the fuck just happened... and this girl is swerving like a motherfucker .. hitting the brakes and shit... at this point i find out she is rolling her ass off on extasy...fucking great...I make her pull over and I'm going to drive... so as im driving down the highway im thinking to myself  "this is exactly how i got myself into this situation".... I make it all the way to abington... get to my house...and im going to run in to get her some money for gas...(at this point i lost everything i had except my phone).. well remember how i just said i lost everything... that included my keys... so i had to ring the doorbell at 530 am on a sunday at my fathers house... my stepmother comes to the door.. sees my clothes are torn up sees im covered in blood and im clearly drunk asks me what the hell happened to me... and i said " I didnt get arrested".... she just turned around and went back upstairs.. so i go in get some money run out to give her gas money... and not realizing it i locked the door behind me...FUCK... I'm not knocking on the door again..FUCK... its too early to stay outside...FUCK..wait I have an idea.. so i go to the side of the house.. attempt to remove the screen... break it... push up the window and climb through it right on to the table on the other side...and also break that...i was so fucking tired at this point ..victorious... I fell asleep right there on that broken table....

exactly like this.. but everything broken and less fat

so when i woke up the next day Jim* calls me and hes going to come by so I can get my stuff out of his truck... all my shits in there..a giant book of CD's , my bottle of SoCo .. my half smoked blunt.. my bag of weed...i go into the back to grab my 12 pack...looking..looking..Motherfucker....and that was the day a tow truck driver stole my 12 pack ... The End ( I'm almost positive Jim* still doesn't have a license)

If you knock somebody out and the cops show up, just say, "what the fuck, he tried to grab my dick."

It's Us

?

Is it called "popping the cherry" because of the bleeding?

I hate

Black people because they have the best hair

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bored

if your ever bored..just get shitfaced during the day and yell "Purpleeeeee Draaaaaannnnnnkkkkk" at black people... that will fix that